Please, prove me wrong!

A good friend of mine sent me a SMS a few days ago. It sounds like this, “I have just done my final paper. I feel complicated. University’s life just ends like that.”

Somehow, the message frightened me. It feels so near although I still have half-a year to go before I graduate. Why it frightened me so much?

When I think back about my University’s life, actually there is no vivid memories spring to my mind. As the years rolled by, only feelings of resentment, disappointment, and complaints pops up. My memory is empty I should say. As I dig into my memory, nothing I will really miss.

I knew my University friends remains University friends. Out of University’s compound, they are familiar strangers that you will doubt whether you want to say “Hi” if you bump into them in future. I am not being negative. This is reality. Time will tell.

Deep inside, I wish someone will prove me wrong someday. Maybe I still have this beautiful, pure hopeful thought, hoping that reality is not that cruel.

Please, prove me wrong.

Making a fresh start

It’s been a while since I have had updated my blog. “Where got time-lah” has become my favourite catch-phrase. In everything that I do, I always start with curiosity, progress with passion and ends in numbing effect. I know that my attitude needs correcting. So, let it begins with my very own blog. I am making a fresh start.

Till then, hear from you soon, Chrys.

Dear W,

Have you ever heard; in every person’s life, each and every one of us is destined to meet 10,000 fated people? And you and I are destined to be good friends.

You know what?I am so proud to have u as my friend. I am so grateful that I met you in UniMAP. The only thing I will miss when we graduate soon, it’s not Wang Ulu hostel’s bed, not the sound of the busses that always wakes me up around 7am, and definitely not Kuala Perlis’s seafood. I will only miss you.

Miss your silly jokes; miss your primary school kids naughtiness’ attitudes, miss our time of lepaking at the food stalls while having classes, miss our time chatting over Skype for countless hours, miss our great time singing-K till you loss your voice, miss your mood swings sudden planning.

Since you broke up, we have a barrier. The barrier exists because of your new found love. As a friend, I do think I have the responsibility to give some advice, but I know you would not listen. So, all i can do is save my breath. I do care about our friendship, and I refrain from u because I don’t want to criticize on the girl you are in love with, at least not to you, face to face.

Yeah, you are that kind of person that put love in the first place. I guess she meant a lot to you till you loss all you’re logic thinking and rationality. I hope it’s really worth it.

People judge you. People criticize you. People give you titles. I try my best not be the same as this kind of people so I do not care about anything you are doing now. When people talking at the back of you and ask me about your new gossips, I would tell them, I don’t know and I don’t care. I would not stab you in your back, but hardly for your new found love, okay?

I wish you luck if she is the person you are looking for, genuinely from the bottom of my heart. Other than that, sorry, I can’t be supportive or faking myself in front of you.

Love,
C

Why does my heart...feel so bad?

There is no one to share what I was thinking now. I should say that I got plenty of friends here in UniMap but I choose to post a blog and share this to myself. I guess there is no one here is worthy for me to trade my genuine heart with.

As if I am crashing into a face-mask party, full of familiar faces, but somehow they are strangers to me. When they put on their masks, I can’t even recognize them. Even though our distance is very near to each others, but their hearts are too far to be reach. Somehow I am able to realize; they forgot to bring their hearts along. They loss their hearts, or have I loss mine?

Despite that, I am able to find a room in the house, where I took off the mask. Being alone in the room is not scary as I thought because; silence sometimes does speak the truth. Without hypocrites people to fill in the silence, I just feel relieved. Indescribable relieved.
Have you ever heard before that, being alone is the last things you would ever wish for on the earth? I believe rather that being reluctant to fit myself into this group of people, Dear God: I do wish I am all alone on this earth.

I called up to an old friend of mine, just for a few seconds, we both chuckles for our good old days little silly jokes. And I was stunned. How long I have not laugh sincerely from the bottom of my heart? I miss those good old days. I miss you guys, my old friends. I really do.

Hermit

I like to see the best in people around me, but somehow it’s disappointing. I’m not dramatic, okay? It’s just most of the people that I have met, take you for granted, stab you at the back and doing much more nasty things that you never ever could imagine. Imposing, I should say.

Refrain myself from this kind of people is the smartest choice, I thought, at least for now. Despite my best effort to being alone, I don’t have to entertain anyone or putting on a fake smile just trying to pleased others. Having numerous masks in me, I was thinking, for this few years, what kind of person I have become?