Smile, when the life falls....

Had a lots in mind recently.

Doesn't know why i am not contented with my life now. Something goes wrong?
Doesn't seem to be... Grab one of my favourite book that I will read when I am lost.
Just want to share one of the story from the book "Smile, when the life falls...."

如果你在房间里一圈又一圈地走，你可以走上几百公里的路，但不管你走多少年， 还是无法从房间走出去。但是如果你知道门在哪里，那么，很快就可以走出去。

我们一生一直都在绕圈子，一圈又一圈，每天也没闲着， 我们并不是不努力，而是不知道为什么而努力，似乎所有人都绕不出那个圈子。

Yeah, I'm still looking for the door.
Hope things will turn around for me soon.

I lied...

I lied, today.
And I felt really bad about that.
Not to that person but to myself.
Fake a smile when I don’t feel like smiling,
Laugh the loudest when the crowd is laughing,
Make a joke or two when it is time for a clown to shine,
And lying just to pleased others.
Funny, though.
“I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is to pleased others.”
Read this somewhere and I forgot the author’s name.
Torn between two again.
Put a mask on or unmask it?
And at the end of the day, my action speaks louder than words.
I put a mask on.
How much is the honesty worth?
It doesn’t worth a single cent.

Corner . My heart

Recently, I have been craving for sweet junk foods and sugary drinks so much. I'm dying for lemon coke, chocolates and not to forget my favorites of all time, ice-creams. Having this makes me feels good and really does make my days better.

They said that, “Life has its sweet and sour.”

Maybe my life is too sour, so I try to balance by sugar-coated it. However, it becomes so severe until my sugar intake increases each day, drastically. My tongue is getting tasteless, or maybe it is my heart that is getting heartless?

I'm having a heartless heart? No offence about that. I guess I did left it somewhere in the corner of my life.

Keeping myself busy

Back to Ipoh around one week, feeling of being a loser is on and on. Never off even for a second. Try keeping myself busy but self-pity attacking me again. There is no one to blame but myself, for letting myself being a loser.

How do I express this in words?

Really sick of this. I just want to runaway and hibernate in my own cocoon. Plan to KL for New Year's countdown. Yeah, I am still planning for a tight schedule. Try to work on it. Just want to escape for a while and New Year's countdown is the best excuse.

Called my brother and told him my planning, however he is too busy with his two girlfriends. Even so, he is still boring. I guess it is time to find another new girlfriend? Add in to his collections. I make fun of him.

He always claims himself to be a player. He is and he is playing quite well for this level. Love is just a game. Play it. I am on your side, bro!

Tonight is another sleepless night. Tomorrow is another day.

Good night, A La Mode.

Tiger Show

Off to Thailand for this semester break holidays. My sis and I went to Tiger Show. At first, we are full of curiosity and excited about it. But, after the show, we felt really bad.

Heard some uncle said that, "It is not entertaining enough."

Some said that, "They are born to do this kind of act."

They performed oral sex and different type of sex act. A guy even used his dick to play drum and keyboard. I still remember clearly his expression when every time his dick hits on the drum, he holds back his pain, but he force himself to put on a smile. Those audience laughs at his silly act. Funny? I do not think so.

Here come the girls stripped off, as expected. But they pulled something out from their pussy. It is some kind of prop. One of the prop is firework. It burns a little of her skin, area around her pussy when she is performing.

Excuse me, Uncle! This is not entertaining enough?

I understand there is a price to pay for this job. No matter what reasons they are there to perform, somehow this reflects the ugly side of human beings. There is a demand, and that is why they are exists. Nobody is born to do this kind of act.

They have sinned? We sinned along.

Already Gone

I have had a little, minor fight with a friend of mine a few months ago.

Recently she text me and apologize for that and ask if I am still angry about it. What do you expect me to reply? You want me to give you some Sunday's school answers and repent myself too?

Actually, I try to play it cool. Leave this "little, minor fight" thing behind and moved on. If, only if, we bump to each other, just smile and say "Hi". You know, we are not secondary school students anymore. We are adults. It has nothing to do with angry or not. It has nothing to do with those forgive and forget or stuff like that. And honestly, you do not have to apologize because what is the use?

Leave the past behind. But it do not mean I forget what had happen. The truth is we cannot be as close as before because our friendship had a defect. I can delete you from my friends' lists as I do not have a room for a fragile friendship, anymore. Let's just be a "Hi and Bye" friends. Everything old can be renew? Think again.

Am I being merciless? Selfish? Revengeful? You name it. People that know me well should understand I define black and white clearly. Black is black, and white is white. There is no grey state.

Now, you try to make things okay as before. Frankly, it's too late. I'm already gone.

There is no rewind. Life is not a tape.

I have officially deleted you several months ago before your text reminds me.

Adieu, stranger!

Insomnia

3.05am.

Gosh, what am I doing in this early hour? Spent three hours rolling on bed, feeling tired but can't get to sleep. Close my eyes but my mind is spinning around and keep thinking and thinking. This has lasted for a few days and gives me hell.

Reality is cruelty. Sleeping is a good choice to pull you out from the reality. But now I don't even have a chance to escape from it and have a good dream.

Just feeling tired.

Tired with the people around me.

Tired with the surroundings.

Tired of putting a mask on.

Tired of drama.

Tired of uncertainty.

Tired of being a loser.

Tired of everything.

Tired of being tired.

I'm fine. It's fine. I can deal with this. But can i have a good rest and regain my strength first before i deal with all on the lists?

Chow Gong, where are you? Can we havea game of chess, please?